My Valentines

We had an awesome Valentines Day! The night before, Brian took his sweet little Valentine on a date. She was so excited! He came home from work and had her candy and flowers, then took her to Rocket City Diner to get her favorite macaroni and cheese! It was so cute and sweet and I was smiling all night just thinking about the conversations they might be having.

On Valentines, Brian came home with bleu cheese stuffed filets from Longhorn, loaded baked potatoes, and salad. We ate together as a family and it was the perfect low key Valentines Day yet! Maggie and Miller got me really sweet cards, and Brian got me flowers and a new purse that I had been wanting!  Plus, my sweet Daddy brought me tulips! I'm a lucky girl!

Also, sweet Maggie made her Daddy a present. Thank you pinterest!

Read my other new post below! 2 posts in one day!! I'm on a roll!

2012 So Far...

January was a low key month adjusting to our new life with Miller. We celebrated Honey's birthday, and opened Christmas presents since we were in Jackson during Christmas. I love this picture of Honey and Maggie. There might even be a little resemblance?

In February, we celebrated my 30th birthday with some friends at Tabella! We enjoyed some much needed adult company and perhaps a few adult beverages!  I was pretty emotional about turning 30. I remember my mom's 30th birthday like it was just a few years ago, and that saddens me to think how fast life goes by. Is it possible that I'm really 30?! Wow...that's so young, yet so old. I don't want the next 30 to go by as fast as the last 30 just did. 

Miller is doing so well. He is smiling all the time. He weighs 10 lbs. 12 oz. He is wearing 3-6 month clothes. He is taking 4 oz. of formula every 3 hours. He is sleeping much better at night, sometimes 5-6 hours at a time. Hallelujah! His oxygen saturations are remaining in the mid 80's, which is good for him. He is taking his medicine like a champ. I guess that's all he has ever known so hopefully he won't give me fits about it like Maggie does!!!

I love this little boy to pieces, scar and all. He is such a blessing in our lives. So many good things have come out of our situation, but that deserves a blog by itself. You never know how strong you can be until life throws you something like this. I could worry all day long about him, believe me, there is lots to worry about. But I choose not to. I have completely put him in God's hands. For some reason, God chose ME to be his mother. I am forever grateful, honored, and humbled that I have this honor. He has already brought more joy to our family than I could ever imagine.

I love you little buddy.

I have to say what an incredible big sister Maggie is. We have kept her home from Mother's Morning Out since Miller has been home from the hospital. There have been so many viruses and things going around that we felt it best not to expose Maggie or Miller to them. So she has been cooped up in this house with me. She has been an angel. She has not acted out at all. I think she understands Miller is a special little boy. She treats him so tenderly, and loves and kisses on him all day long. She calls him little buddy. She picked that up from me. She wants to help me do everything. She is constantly bringing him his stuffed animals and setting them in his swing or bouncy seat. She also loves to cover him up with his blanket. I am just so thankful for this little girl, and the amount of joy that she is bringing me as well. I am amazed at how much she has grown up since all of this happened. She has the most nurturing spirit. Maybe she will be a nurse one day? Maybe on the cardiac floor? She uses her stethoscope to check Miller's heart several times a day. She understands so much more than I give her credit for.

She will be starting back to school next week. She needs it, and so do I. Please pray we are able to keep germs away from Miller and keep him well!

P.S.  It feels good to be blogging again!

Learning Life with 2

So I could act like supermom when I write this post, and tell you life with 2 is easy breezy, or I could be honest. I'm one diaper change away from checking myself into Pine Grove!  Totally kidding...but I had no idea the difference in life with 1 and life with 2 kids!!  I'm jotting these things down so I can go back and laugh at myself when I'm crying because my kids are going off to college.

I get no sleep. I mean none. If I'm not giving Miller a bottle, I'm putting his paci in his mouth, changing a diaper, or chasing Maggie out of our bedroom.

I reheat my coffee several times each morning. After about the 3rd time, it's just gross and I have to make another cup. And then I am full of guilt bc those dern Keurig pods are SO expensive!

I TRY to shower daily. I TRY to at least shower before Brian gets home. I find it perfectly normal now to shave one leg one day, and the other leg the next day. I never fully understood what a shower with no time limitations meant. All I have to do is lather shampoo in my hair and Miller knows it's time to have a scream fest.

I have never let Maggie watch this much TV in her life! Its horrible...but great!!

I have also never let her eat this many chicken nuggets in her life. Its just gross...but a time saver. This too shall pass Maggie Moo. Mommy will cook again one day.

If I had a dollar for every time I tried to put one of Miller's diapers on Maggie, I would be a millionaire.

If I had a dollar for every time Maggie wakes Miller up from sleeping, I would also be a millionaire.

I should have bought stock in Mylicon long ago. God knows I have given them hundreds of dollars! I have the gassiest babies alive!

My house looks like Hurricane Katrina came through. It's bad...I mean real bad.

My total "me" time comes from adding up all the times I went to pee during the day. Wait, I take that back. Maggie comes too so it isn't really "me" time.

I cannot...for the life of me...get both of them to nap at the same time. I spend the majority of Maggie's nap rocking Miller to sleep, only to have her wake up and immediately come wake him up too.

I have been trying to buy a new pair of running shoes for the last 2 weeks thinking I'm gonna start running. HA! I can't even find time to buy the shoes!! And we are talking on the internet...ridiculous.

Ok, I'll admit it. I had it easier when I was a working mom. All you moms with 3 or 4 kids, you're on medication. Don't lie. Or you wish you were.  I'm totally kidding. This new job staying at home with my two kiddos is the best thing that has ever happened to me. The hardest...but the best. I wouldn't trade these chaotic days for anything else in the world.  Today I got down on the floor with Miller and he smiled and cooed for an hour. And I played Dollhouse with Maggie and we read a ton of books. I am constantly amazed by her love for reading, and learning new things. We played dress up, and she used my kitchen towels for a princess skirt. It's these types of things that make it all worth while!

However, if you see me with my black stretch pants on, no make up, my hair looks like I stuck my finger in a light socket, SURELY you can relate. I bet your house is just as crazy as mine. Or crazier if your name is Amanda or Heather. hehe

The Diagnosis

Trust me...There are 2 sentences you never ever ever want to have to say.

#1- My son has a life threatening heart condition.

#2- My son had open heart surgery at the age of 6 days old.

Miller Brian Moore was born on December 8th, 2011 weighing 9 lbs. and measuring 20.5 inches. He was big and beautiful! He scored a 9/9 on his apgar tests and I remember specifically asking the nurse what he scored, and when she told me, breathed a sigh of relief. You don't really fully know they are healthy and normal until they are born, and at that point, I knew Miller was OK...or so we thought.

The hospital stay proceeded like any normal hospital stay post delivery. Lots of pain the first night. Lots of nurses poking and prodding. The second day they discovered Miller was jaundiced so we had to put him under the bilirubin light. Same thing happened to Maggie, so we knew the routine. The 3rd day, Dr. Parvin, our pediatrician came in and said he would recommend us stay a 3rd night to keep Miller under the bilirubin light a little longer. His levels were getting better, but still not where they need to be. So we agreed. Third night went just like the rest.

On the 4th day, we were packed and ready to go home. We got a new nurse, Helen. She was warm, friendly, and an angel. She noticed Miller's color was starting to get a bit dusky and called Dr. Parvin and he came to take a look at Miller. He immediately noticed his color was off, and after listening to him, said he had a heart murmur that was not there the 2 days before. He then ordered a chest x-ray and a heart echo for Miller. The rest is blurry. I think that was around noon on Sunday, December 11th. And before we knew it, Dr. Henderson, the neonatalogist, came in to tell us life changing news.

Miller has a congenital heart defect called Hypoplastic Leart Heart Syndrome, which means the left part of his heart did not form correctly and does not work. He then told us that Miller would be airlifted to UMC in Jackson for his first of three open heart surgeries. He goes on to tell us the success rate on this first surgery is 88%. In anything else in the world, 88% is pretty darn good odds. But not when you are talking about the life or death of your son, I needed 100% success rate!!! He raved about the cardiovascular surgeon, Dr. Salazar, and promised we would be in excellent care.

Brian and I waited for the transport team to arrive, said our goodbyes to Miller, and went home to pack for an undetermined length of time. I think we both just threw our entire dressers in our suitcases, said a painful goodbye to Maggie, and got on the road as quickly as possible.

We arrived in Jackson sometime around 8pm Sunday night, December 11th. I honestly cannot remember if we went to check into our hotel room or went straight to the hospital. It is all kind of blurry. I was still in a lot of pain from my c-section and the drive to Jackson was NOT fun, physically or mentally.

Miller had his open heart surgery on Wednesday, December 14th, and it was a success! He had to have a revision to the surgery on Friday, December 16th, which was even more of a success. So in his first week of life, my sweet little boy had 2 open heart surgeries that saved his life. They basically re-routed his cardiovascular system so that the right side of his heart now does the work that the left side should do. We were told it is the most complicated surgery known to man. The doctors were AMAZING. GOD was so faithful, and listened to our prayers and the prayers of hundreds that week. He wrapped his arms around us so tight that day, and I will never forget the peace I felt knowing my little boy was going to be ok.

After 4 weeks in the PICU, we are home now and he is doing wonderfully. We wait patiently until his second surgery, which is not scheduled yet. There are many factors that play into the timing, so it will be sometime between April and June of this year. In the mean time, we are turning him into the Bubble Boy trying to keep him well and healthy and free of any setbacks!

Words cannot explain what we have been through, but I did my best to give the big picture. I am now happy to say I have a faith that is not altered by my circumstances. I have a faith that is bigger and better than anything else I know, and it is the ONLY thing that got us through all of this, and will continue to do so. God is so amazingly good!

So his diagnosis is...Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome. 3 surgeries and he will be fixed. However, there is no guarantee how long his heart will last. These surgeries have only been done for 30 years, so survivors of this are less than 30 years old. Basically, his heart will always be working harder than yours or mine. So logically, if it works harder it might tire out easier and not last as long. There is always the option of a heart transplant down the road, but that's just an option. We pray Miller lives a long and glorious life with the half heart that God gave him.

I started thinking about this diagnosis, and how it really is no different than your kids, or yours or mine. We all have no idea how many days on this earth we have. It has taught me just how precious life is for all of us. I've learned to pour my heart into what really matters, because what really matters can be taken away in an instant. Believe me, I am forever changed because of this.

I am sure you can guess, but I am not going back to work. I will devote every last second I have on this earth to raising my sweet babies.

The Birth...

The PICU post surgery...

The Cardiac Step-Down Floor

Going home!!

Look how happy this girl was!!!

HOME SWEET HOME!

He's already watching Dora...

If you want to follow our journey, our caringbridge site is http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/millerbrianmoore.

"We know that ALL THINGS work together for the GOOD of those who LOVE GOD." Romans 8:28

Santa Came For a Visit!!

Since we didn't have enough going on this week, we decided to invite Santa by for a visit with Maggie to see what she wanted for Christmas!

She was all smiles before he arrived...

Saying "noooooo" to Santa trying to come in the house...

Still VERY unsure...

So we tried to get a picture in front of the tree...

But then he offered her a candy cane...

And a Dora present wrapped in Dora wrapping paper...

She figured he wasn't so bad after all...

And the visit was a success without crying!! woo hoo! We have made major progress since last year.

After Santa left, we asked her what she really wanted him to bring her for Christmas. She said "orange slippers!"

The Room is Ready!!!

So...the room is all ready, along with his momma!! He is scheduled to be here at 7:30am this Thursday unless he decides to come earlier!

Miller Brian Moore

I used a cream velvet for the bumper, plaid silk for the ties, cream minky dot for the sheet, and a blueish green burlap for the bedskirt.

Wallcolor is palladian blue by Benjamin Moore. Bookshelf and Dresser were built by Ken McCoy in Purvis. He is my new favorite person and he has seen way too much of me and my checkbook lately!!!

I had to add a little leopard. Its boyish right? It has blue in it at least:)

waiting on some new pics of my little man to put above his crib!

I finally finished Maggie's big girl room this week too. Only took me 6 months. I've been a little unmotivated lately!

We got out the Little People nativity scene this morning and Maggie was so excited and immediately remembered who baby Jesus was! She even said it was his birthday party! We have been making a big deal about Christmas being Baby Jesus birthday this year, and she is so excited for his party! We will be purchasing a cake and singing to him this year, in hopes to make it a tradition. Gotta teach these kids early its not about the presents or Santa, although that's fun, its just not the reason for the season!

Her "cheese" smile